My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's shark week go big or go home
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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