You were right. It hurts to walk today.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
