So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize