Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
