People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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