Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
