I can feel you judging me through the phone.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
