I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
