Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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