I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
