Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
