Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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