Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
