you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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