he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize