Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
