paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
how drunk are you?
Several
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
