I could have mohawked her pubes.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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