I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
