im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
