M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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