I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
