I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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