her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
