your parents love me but you hate me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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