I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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