Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
