hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
