Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
