high people should be assigned attendants
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
