Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize