Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
