You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How does one acquire holy water?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize