Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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