I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize