the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
