OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
