FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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