Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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