I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
