Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
