First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
