Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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