Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
