My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize