dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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