I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
