I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
