forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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