I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
