just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
this hospital has no fireball
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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