You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
