just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
