in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
