I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
