talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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