be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
