they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
