I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
