Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
