Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
