hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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