I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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