she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
