guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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