She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
