At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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