my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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