yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
