If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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