i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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