Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize