Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
