Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
