Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
