He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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