Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
