i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize