i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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