Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
