and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
