You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
