Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
