I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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