Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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